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The Itchy and Scratchy and Poochie Show

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A lifetime of working with nuclear power has left me with a healthy green glow…and left me as impotent as a Nevada boxing commissioner. Kids, kids. I’m not going to die. That only happens to bad people. Kids, kids. I’m not going to die. That only happens to bad people. Slow down, Bart! My legs don’t know how to be as long as yours.

The Itchy and Scratchy and Poochie Show

D’oh. What’s the point of going out? We’re just going to wind up back here anyway. When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power…like God must feel when he’s holding a gun. Your questions have become more redundant and annoying than the last three “Highlander” movies.

  • Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you’d step over your own mother just to get one! But you can’t stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!
  • When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power…like God must feel when he’s holding a gun.

Natural Born Kissers

They only come out in the night. Or in this case, the day. Save me, Jeebus. I didn’t get rich by signing checks.

The Last Temptation of Homer

I can’t go to juvie. They use guys like me as currency. Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. What good is money if it can’t inspire terror in your fellow man? Jesus must be spinning in his grave! Yes! I am a citizen! Now which way to the welfare office? I’m kidding, I’m kidding. I work, I work. And now, in the spirit of the season: start shopping. And for every dollar of Krusty merchandise you buy, I will be nice to a sick kid. For legal purposes, sick kids may include hookers with a cold.

  1. Jesus must be spinning in his grave!
  2. We started out like Romeo and Juliet, but it ended up in tragedy.
  3. I was saying “Boo-urns.”
  4. I’m a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world.
Marge vs. Monorail

Fame was like a drug. But what was even more like a drug were the drugs. Human contact: the final frontier. Oh, so they have Internet on computers now!

Homer the Great

How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive? I don’t like being outdoors, Smithers. For one thing, there’s too many fat children. I’ve done everything the Bible says — even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff! Homer no function beer well without. Me fail English? That’s unpossible.

I don’t understand the question, and I won’t respond to it.

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Did you enjoy your meal, Mom? You drank it fast enough.

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I have traced the Rebel spies to her. Now she is my only link to finding their secret base. Don’t underestimate the Force. You don’t believe in the Force, do you?

The Force Unleashed

In my experience, there is no such thing as luck. What good is a reward if you ain’t around to use it? Besides, attacking that battle station ain’t my idea of courage. It’s more like…suicide. Partially, but it also obeys your commands. I call it luck. Don’t act so surprised, Your Highness. You weren’t on any mercy mission this time. Several transmissions were beamed to this ship by Rebel spies. I want to know what happened to the plans they sent you. Partially, but it also obeys your commands.

  • I can’t get involved! I’ve got work to do! It’s not that I like the Empire, I hate it, but there’s nothing I can do about it right now. It’s such a long way from here.
  • Don’t act so surprised, Your Highness. You weren’t on any mercy mission this time. Several transmissions were beamed to this ship by Rebel spies. I want to know what happened to the plans they sent you.
  • You don’t believe in the Force, do you?
  • Ye-ha!
  • You mean it controls your actions?

The Sith Lords

What?! Hey, Luke! May the Force be with you. What!?

A New Hope

I have traced the Rebel spies to her. Now she is my only link to finding their secret base. Red Five standing by. Alderaan? I’m not going to Alderaan. I’ve got to go home. It’s late, I’m in for it as it is. Ye-ha! I need your help, Luke. She needs your help. I’m getting too old for this sort of thing.

  1. Look, I ain’t in this for your revolution, and I’m not in it for you, Princess. I expect to be well paid. I’m in it for the money.
  2. Your eyes can deceive you. Don’t trust them.
  3. Don’t act so surprised, Your Highness. You weren’t on any mercy mission this time. Several transmissions were beamed to this ship by Rebel spies. I want to know what happened to the plans they sent you.
The Empire Strikes Back

You mean it controls your actions? You don’t believe in the Force, do you? The Force is strong with this one. I have you now. The more you tighten your grip, Tarkin, the more star systems will slip through your fingers.

The Sith Lords

I need your help, Luke. She needs your help. I’m getting too old for this sort of thing. I suggest you try it again, Luke. This time, let go your conscious self and act on instinct. Leave that to me. Send a distress signal, and inform the Senate that all on board were killed. Don’t act so surprised, Your Highness. You weren’t on any mercy mission this time. Several transmissions were beamed to this ship by Rebel spies. I want to know what happened to the plans they sent you. The more you tighten your grip, Tarkin, the more star systems will slip through your fingers.

First place chick is hot, but has an attitude, doesn’t date magicians.

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Heh-haa! Super squeaky bum time! It’s art! A statement on modern society, ‘Oh Ain’t Modern Society Awful?’! *Insistently* Bow ties are cool! Come on Amy, I’m a normal bloke, tell me what normal blokes do!

Army of Ghosts

You’ve swallowed a planet! I’m the Doctor, I’m worse than everyone’s aunt. *catches himself* And that is not how I’m introducing myself. Heh-haa! Super squeaky bum time! Father Christmas. Santa Claus. Or as I’ve always known him: Jeff. Sorry, checking all the water in this area; there’s an escaped fish.

  • You know how I sometimes have really brilliant ideas?
  • Saving the world with meals on wheels.
  • You’ve swallowed a planet!
  • I’m the Doctor, I’m worse than everyone’s aunt. *catches himself* And that is not how I’m introducing myself.

Vincent and the Doctor

I am the last of my species, and I know how that weighs on the heart so don’t lie to me! It’s art! A statement on modern society, ‘Oh Ain’t Modern Society Awful?’! Annihilate? No. No violence. I won’t stand for it. Not now, not ever, do you understand me?! I’m the Doctor, the Oncoming Storm – and you basically meant beat them in a football match, didn’t you? I am the Doctor, and you are the Daleks!

The Empty Child

I am the last of my species, and I know how that weighs on the heart so don’t lie to me! Father Christmas. Santa Claus. Or as I’ve always known him: Jeff. Saving the world with meals on wheels. Annihilate? No. No violence. I won’t stand for it. Not now, not ever, do you understand me?! I’m the Doctor, the Oncoming Storm – and you basically meant beat them in a football match, didn’t you?

  1. Saving the world with meals on wheels.
  2. Stop talking, brain thinking. Hush.
Evolution of the Daleks

Stop talking, brain thinking. Hush. Sorry, checking all the water in this area; there’s an escaped fish. I’m the Doctor, I’m worse than everyone’s aunt. *catches himself* And that is not how I’m introducing myself.

Vincent and the Doctor

Aw, you’re all Mr. Grumpy Face today. You hate me; you want to kill me! Well, go on! Kill me! KILL ME! The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things.…hey.…the good things don’t always soften the bad things; but vice-versa the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant. Saving the world with meals on wheels. I’m the Doctor, I’m worse than everyone’s aunt. *catches himself* And that is not how I’m introducing myself.