Category Archives: Featured

How do you know she is a witch?

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Well, how’d you become king, then? Well, Mercia’s a temperate zone! I dunno. Must be a king. The Knights Who Say Ni demand a sacrifice!

What… is your quest?

Burn her anyway! Now, look here, my good man. What do you mean?

  • Camelot!
  • Burn her!
  • We want a shrubbery!!
  • Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help, help, I’m being repressed!

I’m not dead!

Why? Found them? In Mercia?! The coconut’s tropical! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! We want a shrubbery!!

Bridgekeeper

Burn her! On second thoughts, let’s not go there. It is a silly place. I’m not a witch.

  1. On second thoughts, let’s not go there. It is a silly place.
  2. Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni!
Help, help, I’m being repressed!

Where’d you get the coconuts? And the hat. She’s a witch! On second thoughts, let’s not go there. It is a silly place. Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! How do you know she is a witch?

What… is your quest?

…Are you suggesting that coconuts migrate? On second thoughts, let’s not go there. It is a silly place. Burn her anyway!

Spare me your space age technobabble, Attila the Hun!

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But with the blast shield down, I can’t even see! How am I supposed to fight? Don’t be too proud of this technological terror you’ve constructed. The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the Force. I want to come with you to Alderaan. There’s nothing for me here now. I want to learn the ways of the Force and be a Jedi, like my father before me.

The Rebel Force

I need your help, Luke. She needs your help. I’m getting too old for this sort of thing. I don’t know what you’re talking about. I am a member of the Imperial Senate on a diplomatic mission to Alderaan– I want to come with you to Alderaan. There’s nothing for me here now. I want to learn the ways of the Force and be a Jedi, like my father before me. Oh God, my uncle. How am I ever gonna explain this? Ye-ha! The Force is strong with this one. I have you now.

  • I care. So, what do you think of her, Han?
  • Your eyes can deceive you. Don’t trust them.
  • I suggest you try it again, Luke. This time, let go your conscious self and act on instinct.

Return of the Jedi

The Force is strong with this one. I have you now. Don’t act so surprised, Your Highness. You weren’t on any mercy mission this time. Several transmissions were beamed to this ship by Rebel spies. I want to know what happened to the plans they sent you. Red Five standing by. Ye-ha! I suggest you try it again, Luke. This time, let go your conscious self and act on instinct.

Imperial Star Destroyer

I can’t get involved! I’ve got work to do! It’s not that I like the Empire, I hate it, but there’s nothing I can do about it right now. It’s such a long way from here. The plans you refer to will soon be back in our hands. Hey, Luke! May the Force be with you. You don’t believe in the Force, do you?

  1. I need your help, Luke. She needs your help. I’m getting too old for this sort of thing.
  2. Don’t act so surprised, Your Highness. You weren’t on any mercy mission this time. Several transmissions were beamed to this ship by Rebel spies. I want to know what happened to the plans they sent you.
  3. Look, I ain’t in this for your revolution, and I’m not in it for you, Princess. I expect to be well paid. I’m in it for the money.
The Phantom Menace

Don’t be too proud of this technological terror you’ve constructed. The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the Force. What good is a reward if you ain’t around to use it? Besides, attacking that battle station ain’t my idea of courage. It’s more like…suicide. I call it luck.

Rebel Mission to Ord Mantell

No! Alderaan is peaceful. We have no weapons. You can’t possibly… The Force is strong with this one. I have you now. A tremor in the Force. The last time I felt it was in the presence of my old master. I don’t know what you’re talking about. I am a member of the Imperial Senate on a diplomatic mission to Alderaan– I don’t know what you’re talking about. I am a member of the Imperial Senate on a diplomatic mission to Alderaan–

And from now on you’re all named Bender Jr.

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I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me, Superman. Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals…except the weasel. I’m a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world. When will I learn? The answers to life’s problems aren’t at the bottom of a bottle, they’re on TV! Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

Radioactive Man

Well, he’s kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace “accidentally” with “repeatedly” and replace “dog” with “son.” What’s the point of going out? We’re just going to wind up back here anyway. You don’t win friends with salad. I’m a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world. Bart, with $10,000 we’d be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like…love!

  • Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix.
  • Whoa, slow down there, maestro. There’s a *New* Mexico?
  • Our differences are only skin deep, but our sames go down to the bone.

Rosebud

Ahoy hoy? I’ll keep it short and sweet — Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business. Bart, with $10,000 we’d be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like…love!

Cape Feare

Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix. Kids, we need to talk for a moment about Krusty Brand Chew Goo Gum Like Substance. We all knew it contained spider eggs, but the hantavirus? That came out of left field. So if you’re experiencing numbness and/or comas, send five dollars to antidote, PO box… Uh, no, they’re saying “Boo-urns, Boo-urns.” Shoplifting is a victimless crime. Like punching someone in the dark. “Thank the Lord”? That sounded like a prayer. A prayer in a public school. God has no place within these walls, just like facts don’t have a place within an organized religion. I didn’t get rich by signing checks.

  1. I’m a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world.
  2. This is the greatest case of false advertising I’ve seen since I sued the movie “The Never Ending Story.”
  3. When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power…like God must feel when he’s holding a gun.
The Itchy and Scratchy and Poochie Show

I hope I didn’t brain my damage. Jesus must be spinning in his grave! Kids, we need to talk for a moment about Krusty Brand Chew Goo Gum Like Substance. We all knew it contained spider eggs, but the hantavirus? That came out of left field. So if you’re experiencing numbness and/or comas, send five dollars to antidote, PO box…

Duffless

I prefer a vehicle that doesn’t hurt Mother Earth. It’s a go-cart, powered by my own sense of self-satisfaction. I was saying “Boo-urns.” Remember the time he ate my goldfish? And you lied and said I never had goldfish. Then why did I have the bowl, Bart? *Why did I have the bowl?*